I Promise, I'll Get A Vasectomy!

 

Modern technology gives most women just about complete control to prevent an unwanted pregnancy; including 'morning after' pills.  If she needs to have sex without conception, she can find a way to protect herself.  To trust any male who claims he has had a vasectomy is risky, unless she has removed them herself.

Here's a story from a loved relative who's "partner" just kept promising to get one.  I don't know her particular birth control limitations.

 I have other relatives that have birthed and/or finessed a fucking mistake, but this one is particularly touching...

"Once he drove me to Planned Parenthood to get an abortion he insisted I get after he refused to get his promised vasectomy. I screamed at him the whole way there. He sat in stony silence, willing it to be over if he just ignored it. And me.

When we got there I took the keys and left him in the parking lot. I came back an hour later to pick him up and he yelled at me that I was a terrible mother because I wouldn't get an abortion. I cried and sobbed and told him that, while I believe firmly in choice and I also believed another child would be very hard, I couldn't do it after losing (name of child withheld). That they were connected for me and I didn't know how but they were and please stop please please please stop.

He sneered at me. "You are selfish. This just proves how selfish you are. If you cared at all about your children you would do this."

Supporting me was only possible if I agreed with him.

I cried myself to sleep for weeks until the blessed event: the miscarriage. It was a late one - 11 weeks, I think. He had been exceptionally angry the night before. He wouldn't talk to me, but would only growl insults at me. He grabbed me roughly and reminded me how selfish I was and he spat his disgust at me by stripping away any confidence I had as a parent - he knew the most deadly weapon available to him and he knew how to find my emotional jugular. When I went in for another ultrasound the next day there was no more heartbeat and I remember feeling relieved as I was prepped for the surgical removal of all this conflict wrapped up in a dead embryo.

I'll never forget how he was so nice to me on the way to the OR. He held my hand, he hugged me, he was 'so so sorry this had happened, Babe' but I was 'going to be strong and be just fine' and he gave my hand a tender squeeze. I was speechless. But there was a whole audience now, so I just accepted it and was wheeled off to the OR and soon completely unconscious and unable to try and make sense out of that one.

When I stopped bleeding, we went to Hawaii, with hopes of amnesia I suppose."

If  anyone reads this I will let them wallow in their own judgments about right and wrong and the definition of life.  But have compassion for kids who "get caught".  Make the effort!   Point out the consequences! Unprotected fun can be unrelenting hell.  No religious dogma intended.

God Bless and Namaste'